Why do I always have to change for others?
It's so fucking irritating.
It's like, "Amanda change this, Amanda, change that! And this and that and this and hat!"
I mean, not literally.
But you get the meaning.
Instead of pinpointing on how other should change,
why not just reflect and see what YOU have to change about yourself -.-
I have to take so many precautions, so that I won't offend you.
It's so tiring.
I'm not even fucking being myself.
Fuck you.

Am I living life well?
I get worried over every little thing.
As long as they have got to do with friends.
Friendship is taking up so much of me.
So much that I have barely enough energy to care about the issues that are more or equally worth caring about.
Like.. my family, my studies.
Friendships are sucking all of my energy away from my lifeless body.
I can't believe how pathetic I've become.
As long as one friend doesn't reply my message or in msn, my mood will go all the way down.
Then I get so pessimistic, depressed, sensitive and paranoid.
I can actually get so fucking estatic to have my friend joking with me hyper-ly.
How pathetic.
Life shouldn't be led the way I'm leading it.
But.. I just can't control myself..

Is hiding all heartfelt despair in a secret blog one of the characteristics of a loser?
If yes, then i'm a big fat one.

I'm feeling so tired..
I'm tired of caring for others and yet others don't care for me.
No one's reading this.
But nothing's impossible.
So if you are really, unfortunately or fortunately, im not sure, reading this,
I bet you're thinking that I'm really childish eh?
But sigh.. you really don't understand.

The people around me are all so emotional and depressed.
And I have to cheer them up every day.
What makes it worse is that they don't seem to appreciate it.
No matter how hard you try, they don't seem to give a damn.
And then when you don't give a damn, they say you don't care about them.

What makes it worse-er is that I need care too.
They're not the only ones.
What I really dislike about such people is that they think that they're the only one with troubles and that the whole world only revolves around them.
Hey! They're not the only ones! >:/
You have one right here!!

And yet no one really cares.
The person I expect to care, don't care.
And the person I expect to care, is the one I'm forever caring about.
Why is this world so unfair?

Whyyyy? ):

You know, just a few days ago, I told my mum.

"Mum, I think I've truly found my best friend already. One that will change my life forever once she is gone."

I was talking about you, my dear.
But why do you choose to fail me now?
Why do you choose to fail me only when my faith in you was as strong as it can be?
Why do you push me right back down after I managed to climb to the top and taste true friendship?

What you said hurt me alot, you may not know.
Correction, you do not know.
Why, why do you take friendships so lightly?
Don't they mean anything to you?

Why, why do you always leave all the hard work to the other party?
Why, why do you just sit there and wait for the other party to take the initiative?
Why, why do you always feel that friendships aren't worth salvaging?
Why, why do you always shun away from problems instead of facing them and solving them?

Tell me how, how do you act like everything's normal when to the other, everything's just a mess?

A friendships require the hardwork and effort from both parties for it to shine through.
One person can't do a job which is meant for two.
So why are you so stubborn?
Since you developed this friendship, why not commit yourself to keeping it strong?
If friendship don't mean a thing to you, why develop them in the first place?

You said you would give up on all your unstable friendships and focus on the steady ones.
But what if all your friendships are unstable?
Does that mean you'll just give them up all and be a loner?
Instead of giving up on the unstable friendships because you think it's a hassle, isn't it more practical to focus on salvaging them more?

Just because of one word "unstable", you're gonna just give up everything you have put in and received from this friendship?

What do friendship mean to you, exactly?

This sentence practically murdered me.

I know its unfair to her friend, but , seriously , if i were ____ i will also bo chap lor :x ooops. i dont know why.

If you want to tell me you're disappointed, if you want to tell me i'm not your best friend, if you want to tell me that you've lost your trust in me, just do it.
Don't need to beat about the bush by creating a quiz and get me to try it =.=
Do you know I'm really tired?
It sucks when I put you as my priority while I'm barely even at the top.
It's hurting and disappointing.
Why do you let your feelings overrule you so much?
& trust me, most of the times, our feelings play tricks on us.
Do you think it's worth losing friendships and losing trusts because of your feelings which may not be right all the time?
It's not worth it at all, it's silly!
I can't stand it when you lose trust in people so easily.
Not trying to blame you, this is your character.
People are born with characters and they can't be forced.
So I do understand.
But do you know unfair it is for the people around you?
You don't.
All you care and think about is how you feel.
Do you even place yourself in the shoes of the people around you?
Sometimes, you're so unreasonable!
But you just don't know it.. ):
You've changed so much.
I dont know you anymore.

Goodbye, my friend.

Actually, I'm just like you or worse.
When people don't show their sadness, it doesn't mean they're fine.
Just that they don't wanna show it.
I'm tired of playing the clown, trying to cheer the both of you up.
I'm tired, I have my own troubles too.
Why don't people shower me with the care, concern, love and attention you receive? ):
You are so fortunate, but you never seem to realise it

You have so many true, genuine friends who care deeply for you.
You have so many friends who would dedicate posts to you to cheer you up.
You have so many friends who would think of going the extra mile for you.
You have so many friends who will know that you're not okay when you're not.
You have so many friends you can confide in.

I really envy you.
I never ever received the blessings you do. ):